Forgive One Another!

^"accepting one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a complaint against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive."

-Colossians 3:13

As a pastor,  I am often in council with individuals who don't understand how forgiveness works in human relationships.  The best biblical definition of forgiveness would be a promise of a pardon done properly and with the right motivation.  We see forgiveness modeled in the gospel. While God desires all to come to faith in him(2 Peter 3:9), not everyone is forgive (Revelation 20:11-15).  It is only those who have confessed and repented of their sins (Romans 10:9) who receive the forgiveness of God.  In a positional sense, we belong to Christ once we have repented and believed, but we still need God's forgiveness after salvation.  Christians still sin, and they still need to confess that sin in order not to fracture their relationship with God.  Scripture calls those who have been forgiven children of God (1 John 1:12).  There are many children who are estranged from their parents, because of the sin of the children.  Those children do not cease being sons and daughters of their parents, but their relationship can be fractured.  And that fracture cannot be repaired properly until the child owns their sin and asks for forgiveness.

In a similar way, in order to guard the unity of the church, believers in the local body must constantly be confronting and confessing sin.  Some passages in the Bible seem to indicate that you can just simple forgive someone without ever speaking to them about the matter (Mark 11:25); however, some passages seem to indicate that there can only be forgiveness when the offender asks to be forgiven (Luke 17:3-4).  

To make sense of this tension, I would argue there is a difference between the attitude of forgiveness and the transaction of forgiveness.  Perhaps the hardest work of the two is preparing our hearts to forgive.  We must draw on the forgiveness we have been given in order to forgive others.  A heart that has an attitude of forgiveness, will do everything it can to help the one who has sinned against us to repentant, and a forgiving heart will always be ready and quick to reconcile, as Psalm 86:5 says about God. It is not an issue of "speaking your mind" it is an issue of repairing the fractured relationship.  The transaction of forgiveness takes place following the exposure of the sin.  After the one whom we have confronted has repented, we must forgive them and remember the promises of forgiveness we are making:

a.  I will not bring this matter up to you (the offender) again in a hurtful way in the future

b.  I will not bring this matter up to others

c.  I will not choose to dwell on it myself (to rehearse it and nurse it)